Alan Palmer's Language Chat podcasts

Hello everyone,

Today I would like to talk about how better to get conversations started.

When we learn languages, we always want so much to speak with native speakers – but at the same time, we also worry about it. Will they understand us? Will they find what we say interesting? Will they get frustrated with us, or bored, or both?

Lots of these sort of thoughts go through our mind. Even if we are lucky enough to have friends who speak the language we are learning as native speakers, it doesn’t mean that we don’t still think these things.

Another difficulty when speaking another language is that after we have said something, it is often difficult for us to remember what we just said! In our own language, we remember what words we say better than when we say something in a different language. I think this is because we are busy trying to think of correct words to use and make sure we are understood, so we only remember the ideas of what we were talking about, not the actual words we used to say it.

Often, we have little or no chance to speak with native speakers. We practice in class, at home, with friends etc, but unless we live in the country or can visit it, then the opportunities for speaking the languages we are learning with native speakers can be quite rare. Even when we visit the country, or find a native speaker to speak with in our country, maybe we don’t know who we will speak with or how long we will have to speak with them, or what we will need to say.

So, what can we do that gives us a little more confidence to speak with native speakers when we have the chance?

My opinion is, whenever we have the opportunity, we should take it, but also be very kind on ourselves and do not try to make it into a “language test” that we must “pass”.

I also think that we should not expect so much from the people we speak with. They might be very busy or have other things on their mind.

Negative experiences always make us question why we even want to learn the language. For example, someone ignores us, or says something we don’t understand, or doesn’t seem interested. We have to understand that not everyone is interested in languages and that people have their own lives to get on with. I’ve had some experiences like this over the years.

This is where a relaxed attitude can be very useful. Enjoying the opportunity to speak a different language however well we can, should always be a positive thing. So we must do our best to make sure that any conversations we have are as positive and pleasant as we can make them. We have a lot to do with making sure this happens.

So here are some ideas for helping any conversations we have with native speakers be as pleasant as possible:

1. Don’t expect to have a very interesting conversation, it might be a quite ordinary even a bit boring conversation. Many people just want to “pass the time of day” which means they just talk about very ordinary things such as the weather. So, be prepared to talk about the weather…a few useful phrases can really set off a conversation well:

“ Oh, isn’t it cold today?” “What a beautiful sunny day!” “Oh, it’s very windy today isn’t it?”

These sort of friendly openings are called “icebreakers” and nearly everybody does this. So why shouldn’t we do it also?

2. Remember that many, many people love to talk about themselves and what they are doing, subjects such as their family, their work and their hobbies. If we allow people to talk about themselves first, then we can have a perfect opportunity to listen and it gives us time to get used to the person’s accent, their preferred speed of speaking and we can get to know more about them quickly. So, maybe a conversation would go like this:

(you) “Hello, how is it going?”

(other person )“Oh, very well thanks. I’ve been busy and many things are happening at the moment, I have a new job, a new house. My kids are enjoying school and very soon we will be going on holiday…..”

(you)“oh, that’s nice, where will you be going to?”

(other person)“we will go to Spain this year, we’ve never been there and we are really looking forward to it”

Even though you have not said much yourself and you may wish that you were speaking more, accept that you may need to do this at the beginning of the conversation.

It shows that you are a good listener and people like knowing that they are being listened to, and also you will show that you are understanding normal conversation speed and vocabulary. This is important for you to know as much as the other person.

3. Always use polite words, even if the person you are speaking with doesn’t. This will mean everyone will always consider you as a polite, friendly person. From my experience, I know that this will make people want to speak with you more – and then you will have chances to say more about what you like, what you want to do and who knows, maybe you will make friends.

4. Always accept a compliment in a matter of fact way. “Oh, your English is great!” You should accept and acknowledge, but only a short “thanks, I keep trying my best to learn more” will be enough. You don’t need to say “oh yes! I have just passed all my English language exams and I had top marks!” Very few people would be interested in all this information. Of course, if they asked you “have you passed any exams in English?” then you could say this then.

5. Give yourself time by starting to speak in short sentences at first. “How’s it going?” “what’s new?” “I’m doing fine myself” These sort of well known conversational link phrases are fantastic at giving you chance to say something and then you should have an answer. When the other person is speaking, you just need another phrase ready in your mind “oh really?” “I see” “right, ok” – these are all useful to give yourself more time to form better sentences in your head when you need to do it – such as when they ask you a question.

So, see how you find it when you next have the chance to speak with a native speaker. See if my advice works for you as it has for me.

See you next time

Bye for now